Guest Blogger Vol. 1 - Monogamy

In the 1st Vol. of my Guest Blogger Series, I invited my colleague APSD a.k.a Horseman to do the honours. Now, a bit about this multi-hyphenated dark knight in multi-coloured socks. He is NOT a Bangladeshi, a fact he reiterated countless times and till this day, I still cannot differentiate an I from a B other than the spelling. He is the livewire in the office, so much so that he had to be isolated to prevent our productivity from dipping, especially in my department. Don't be mistaken, he can move mountains if he puts his mind to it, but I suspect he is a secret fan of Masters & Slaves (not the cardboard game) as he needs to be whipped to get into action.

On Monogamy:
In his opening monologue in Annie Hall, Woody Allen quoted Groucho Marx when he said that he'd never be a part of a club that would have him as a member….my feelings on love and relationships is similar. I can never love someone who would want me as her boyfriend. I mean clearly this bright spark has awful taste in men if she chooses me as her heavenly consort for a period of time.

So it is after years that I'm at a loss for words when asked to delve on the science of monogamy. So ignorant am I on this subject that for the longest time I thought the word was used to describe a certain race of pygmies in the jungles of Ecuador. In layman's terms it means one punani per person. Now this theory has always been lost on me. How do you stick to a person when you've already lost all interest in her because she says she loves you? The committed folks will be issuing ‘fatwas’ as they read this but I'll have you know that I come from a gene pool of polygamists. If it wasn't for my father we would have carried on a proud tradition of many lives with many wives. Take my grandfather for example. Our main wingman had a harem…yes a harem just before the dawn of independence. When, I go back to the village and am given a tour of our estate I come across this solid brick house (soundproofed no doubt) where, he'd go for a game of billiards with his many women. So disgusted was my father by this series of unfortunate events that he's been happily married to the same woman for 29 years and has never looked at anyone else. So disgusted am I with my father that I look at everyone else (You know what they say…the genes always skip a generation) so disgusted is my brother with me that he's stuck to the same woman for five years and intends to marry her sometime in the near future.

I don't need to look far to prove to you that monogamy is a doomed profession. Look at the animal kingdom. Check out that praying mantis dude. All his life he stands in front of his beloved Mrs. Mantis and prays in front of her 'Sleep with me and I'll be yours forever' after years of cajoling she sleeps with him and what does she do? She rips his fucking head off. Likewise with the black widow….first she weaves a web of deceit and then plunges her deadly poison into the monogamist's heart killing him after they have sex. They say that a man is most vulnerable after an orgasm and if you ask him anything at that point he’ll tell only the truth and bare his soul. It’s lousy isn’t it that at that exact point of time he’s killed.

Tell me. Where is the justice in this?

But polygamy is not a bed of roses as well. I’ll give you a woman’s perspective in a short note I’d like to title "A polygamist’s worst nightmare’:

In ancient Hindu mythology there was a woman called Draupadi and she had five husbands. Yes five men to put up with. If there was a Nobel prize for patience back then they should have just given it to her. She makes time for all of them and also produces very many babies from all five. And then what happens? Some villain dudes from the other camp sneaks into their sleeping quarters and proceeds to chop up all her kids. I mean what the fuck! Didn’t the villain dudes know how tough it was to bring these kids up? Tragic really.

The best solution I feel is to follow a path of Individualism. No Monogamy, no Polygamy. Just love to live with who you are.

Afterthoughts:
I somehow thought that APSD would be a monogamist (how naive!) by the way he talks about his ex-girlfriend. Now I think he is a serial monogamist: he preaches monogamy to one female at a time, concurrently.

For more APSD rantings, you can visit Midnight in a Perfect World.

Pure Genius!

Smells Like Team Spirit

NAGA in action at the Singapore Dragonboat Festival June 2008, courtesy of Roystern.

P.S. Check out the cute guy at the uppermost right hand corner!

Secret Indulgence@Work

I thrive and derive motivation from:

1. Sending stinker mails to external vendors (and sometimes internal clients), especially in the mornings
2. Taking ugly pictures of colleagues and posting them online

Life isn't that bad afterall!

Vroom Vroom!

Lately, I've been quite obsessed with cars. I've been looking at cars for the longest time now, but recently there is a nagging urge for me to get my own wheels. Now, why haven't I gotten my own car yet you may ask?

Rising fuel prices
ERP
Expensive CBD parking
+
Monthly Installments
HDB parking
Road tax
Insurance
Maintenance
=
Alot of ca-ch$ng required!

If I didn't have to pay exorbitant rent, I can probably afford a car. But lets not digress! This blog entry is about cars I'm eyeing for 2009 (that should be within reach) in no particular order of preference:

The Honda Jazz 2009, boasting bigger interiors than its predecessor. Nice wheels!

Toyota Rush.......a great compact and sporty SUV suitable for a yuppie like me!

The Suzuki SX4 is one of the first few cars that caught my eye. A hatchback beauty!

Mazda 2 is another great hatchback that combines beautiful exterior contours and interior space and functionality, all within affordability.

The Nissan Latio Sedan has a strange rear shape but boasts of gorgeous interiors.

For colleagues who want to carpool, register at my desk now. First come first serve!

P.S. All pictures courtesy of www.sgcarmart.com , my all time favourite online car website!

A weak link

Here are our best timings for today's training:
500m - 2min 55secs
400m - 2min 30 secs
300m - 1 min 55 secs
200m - 1min 20 secs
100m - 38 secs

The world strongest team rows 500m in 1 min 45secs. I am not about to compare ourselves to the world champs, but we are still a long way from competing with the best nationally.

Today's conditions: not a full boat, 3 female rowers, a few newbies. Not about to make excuses, but these are the facts.

I made plenty of mistakes today - gripping my paddle too high, out of sync at times, tire towards the end. I think I'm a weak link, but I don't plan to stay a weak link for long. Dragonboat is a team sport and we cannot afford to have a weak player. Time to step up my game!

I hope we can go for Sava because I need to clock my mileage. Else, I will work hard for Regatta in November because that is when we can show our power!

Go NAGA!

Ascension (Don't Ever Wonder)

Slowly, but surely, I'm becoming older. I know that because:

1. I gallivant around town with 3 cans of China branded roast pork ribs and a can of Jia Jia Liang Teh in my swanky briefcase on a Monday evening.
2. I am BFF with Mr.Vicks Inhaler. I can't do without him.
3. I have been (and still is) using cotton handkerchiefs since kindergarten. Old habits die hard.
4. I tire after 1 pint of beer and all I wanna do is to retire to bed.
5. My knees click louder than the hands on my clock.
6. I spend Saturday evenings doing laundry at home.
7. I can't see bus numbers at night until the bus REACHES the bus stop.
8. The Sheng Siong downstairs is my most frequented hangout of the year (by far). 升松万岁！
9. When primary school kids call you uncle. ( I'm NOT Uncle f***ing Chad!)

'nuff said. Kill me already.

Side note: Ascension (Don't Ever Wonder) is a song by my fave singer Maxwell and has nothing to do with the content of this blog entry.

I think its about time

I am a Malaysian, born in Malaysia but brought up under the Singapore education system. On the surface, I'm no different from any other Singaporean. Sometimes, I can't tell the difference myself. But the question is: Is it necessary to differentiate and discriminate?

We are in the 21st Century where the world is our home and we are one huge potpourri of races, cultures and religion. Looking around my office, I have British, Australian, Mauritian, Indian, Filipino, Chinese and Indonesian colleagues, all working cohesively together and contributing to the Singapore society in more ways than one. My Indian born colleague Gopi was even recognized publicly with an award for doing his part for the community! Now how many of us can boast of that?

I feel, live and think like a Singaporean. When Feng Tian Wei delivered our silver medal in the match against South Korea's Park Mi Young, I choked. She became an instant national heroine, Singapore's heroine. She was trained on local grounds, mingled with local people, watched local television, breathe local air.........she IS local. So is Li Jia Wei. So is Wang Yue Gu. So are the rest of the foreigners working and living in Singapore.

I've heard one to many conversations about the paddlers being China imports and the medals are not truly "Singaporean". I think its about time we embrace and treat them as one of our own.