Six and a half years. Where did all the time go?
Lots have happened. I found love, lost love, found love. I am still with the same employer for the past eight and a half years. I bought my first apartment two and a half years ago. Things have changed.
So what spurred me to write again? I feel lost, sorta.
I invested a lot of time and effort to build my career with my present employer. Things were going well, I was in a visible position, worked well with my boss, felt I was doing something meaningful and moving somewhere with my career. I was constantly given challenges thrown my way, and I knew that if I overcome them, my efforts will be recognized and rewarded.
Things changed about a year and a half ago. My manager, whom I have built a great working relationship with abruptly exited the company. Before she left, she moved me into a role which was required at that time and leveraged on the best of my skills. Her exit created uncertainties throughout the whole function, and we were left drifting without any sense of direction for almost a year before a new boss came in.
The new boss was a breath of fresh air. He seems enthusiastic, really passionate about making a difference, and overall a nice guy. The company went through a series of restructuring amidst a major acquisition, and things took a turn for the worse due to a depressed economy as cost cutting initiatives were executed throughout the whole company. The career that I have built for the past decade suddenly seems really fragile.
I have let my career defined who I am, and without a clear direction, I feel lost, worthless even. It made me question about the choices I made, could have made, should not have made.....self-doubt kicked in big time. But I know, your past choices lead you to where you are now, but they do not define your future.
If I had a choice, I wish life could be simpler. Perhaps this should be the underlying principle in all the choices I am going to make in the future.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Friday, July 10, 2009
That sickening feeling
It is 2am in the morning and the sickening feeling is still there. I had a nightmare.
I visited my Dad and Mum in our hometown after not seeing them for years. I saw them from afar and as I walked closer, I was shocked.
My Dad, whom I've not seen is years seemed to have aged eons. His whole head was a vastly white, skin wrinkled and walks ever so slowly.
But I was not prepared to see my Mum. Why was she holding a blind man's stick? Why did she need to feel her way around? Can't she see?
She couldn't. She was blind. And she lost half her body weight.
I ran over to her to hold her, and frantically ask her: "What happened to you? Why are you blind? Why did you lose so much weight?" To which she just gave a smile, a shrug and a "Yeah, I've lost some weight lately"
My Dad was behind, just watching her steps.
We reached the house where they stay, which I did not recognize, but had a strange feeling of familiarity. I helped my Mum through the door, but before I could walk her into the house, I couldn't suppress it any longer.
I turned the other way and walked out of the door and just cried. Just cried and asking why. It was exactly the same feeling I had when I dreamt of my grandfather after he died. It was a feeling of immense helplessness and grief.
I stood at the gate with my feet planted to the ground, temporarily immobilized. I looked out into the neighbourhood and cried out even harder. Inconsolable.
I woke up heart pounding, eyes wet and the images still freshly imprinted on my mind.
I am trying to get back to sleep but I couldn't.
I needed to blog this to remind me to be a better son, before its too late.
I visited my Dad and Mum in our hometown after not seeing them for years. I saw them from afar and as I walked closer, I was shocked.
My Dad, whom I've not seen is years seemed to have aged eons. His whole head was a vastly white, skin wrinkled and walks ever so slowly.
But I was not prepared to see my Mum. Why was she holding a blind man's stick? Why did she need to feel her way around? Can't she see?
She couldn't. She was blind. And she lost half her body weight.
I ran over to her to hold her, and frantically ask her: "What happened to you? Why are you blind? Why did you lose so much weight?" To which she just gave a smile, a shrug and a "Yeah, I've lost some weight lately"
My Dad was behind, just watching her steps.
We reached the house where they stay, which I did not recognize, but had a strange feeling of familiarity. I helped my Mum through the door, but before I could walk her into the house, I couldn't suppress it any longer.
I turned the other way and walked out of the door and just cried. Just cried and asking why. It was exactly the same feeling I had when I dreamt of my grandfather after he died. It was a feeling of immense helplessness and grief.
I stood at the gate with my feet planted to the ground, temporarily immobilized. I looked out into the neighbourhood and cried out even harder. Inconsolable.
I woke up heart pounding, eyes wet and the images still freshly imprinted on my mind.
I am trying to get back to sleep but I couldn't.
I needed to blog this to remind me to be a better son, before its too late.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Kayaking 1 Star
Kayaking 1 Star completed on 4th and 5th of April. Initially a bit afraid of the capsize drill as I (believe it or not) have a bit of hydrophobia. After a few times of capsizing (intentionally and unintentionally), I think its quite fun! Will probably do 2 Star in July after the June race.
I've recently had a new found enthusiasm in learning some new skills. Windsurfing, Powerboating and the Basic Exercise Course are up next! I'm also taking my private driving lessons and hope to obtain my license by June! Wish me luck :)
I've recently had a new found enthusiasm in learning some new skills. Windsurfing, Powerboating and the Basic Exercise Course are up next! I'm also taking my private driving lessons and hope to obtain my license by June! Wish me luck :)
Good Friday Ah Roy's Birthday 2009
Spent a fantastic Easter with 3 great pals. :)
1230
Galvin: Eh...I think Alvin till sleeping leh......
Chad: Hmm.......then how? I'm hungry!
1315
Galvin: Ok I come pick you up then we head to Alvin's place to pick him up? Thai Express at Siglap for lunch?
Chad: *beaming* Onz!
1345
Picked Alvin Up. Thai Express here we come!
1415
Tom Yum Talay, Chicken Basil with rice, Crispy fish cake, Chicken wings, Mango salad etc.......Famished but the waiter took forever to serve the food!
1530
Went to Siglap Centre and Werner's Oven to look for Roystern's birthday cake (his birthday is the next day). Couldn't find anything for the picky bday boy....Alvin's sister suggested Tampines mall.
1545
Pouring rain and impossible traffic in Tampines (because a new mall just opened) forced us to detour to Changi Airport to get the cake!
1600
Finally found the Tiramisu cake at Crystal Jade in T3. Yipee! Alvin's place for mahjong!
1630
Galvin, Alvin, Chad and Alvin's sister preparing for some mahjong faceoff! Time to show my claws!
2000
2 rounds of mahjong later, I emerge victorious and seventy six dollars richer! Thanks Galvin and Alvin! 下次再来！ Birthday boy arrived in time for dinner.
2100
Dinner at Xinwang. Birthday boy signed up for Xinwang membership, got discounts and free red wine. Had my favourite 四季豆炒虾米， 午餐肉蛋饭 and 港式特制奶茶. Burp!
2230
Galvin's place to get my cantonese drama while he freshens up!
2300
One of my favorite part of the night: Durian time! Headed down to Kovan area for durian. Dick joined us as he lives in the area. Had D24 durian at half price (5 boxes at $50)....thought I'd died and gone to heaven! Paid for durian with my mahjong winnings.....good things must share!
0000
Happy 27th Birthday Roystern!!!! Stay young, handsome, smart, fun, healthy and wealthy forever!
0030
Cake cutting at Alvin's place. I love cakes, but this Tiramisu cake is mediocre......
0115
Second round of mahjong faceoff with Alvin's Dad, Alvin and Galvin......Alvin's Dad almost won a 13 wonders! But alas, 天有眼。。if not I could have been $40 poorer! Luck is not good for the first few rounds.....
0330
Emerged unscathed with a pitiful winning of $1.50, which I donated to Alvin. Alvin's Dad was the overall winner at $30.
0415
Home at last. Thanks Galvin for always sending me home. You've saved me lots of cab money throughout the year!!
0500
Nicely tucked in bed after a nice hot shower.
A wonderful closure to a wonderful day with wonderful friends. Must do this again sometime soon!
Evidence of fun!
Roy with his birthday cake
Birthday boy and me
Roy & Alvin. One for memories.
Galvin eyeing the cake.
1230
Galvin: Eh...I think Alvin till sleeping leh......
Chad: Hmm.......then how? I'm hungry!
1315
Galvin: Ok I come pick you up then we head to Alvin's place to pick him up? Thai Express at Siglap for lunch?
Chad: *beaming* Onz!
1345
Picked Alvin Up. Thai Express here we come!
1415
Tom Yum Talay, Chicken Basil with rice, Crispy fish cake, Chicken wings, Mango salad etc.......Famished but the waiter took forever to serve the food!
1530
Went to Siglap Centre and Werner's Oven to look for Roystern's birthday cake (his birthday is the next day). Couldn't find anything for the picky bday boy....Alvin's sister suggested Tampines mall.
1545
Pouring rain and impossible traffic in Tampines (because a new mall just opened) forced us to detour to Changi Airport to get the cake!
1600
Finally found the Tiramisu cake at Crystal Jade in T3. Yipee! Alvin's place for mahjong!
1630
Galvin, Alvin, Chad and Alvin's sister preparing for some mahjong faceoff! Time to show my claws!
2000
2 rounds of mahjong later, I emerge victorious and seventy six dollars richer! Thanks Galvin and Alvin! 下次再来！ Birthday boy arrived in time for dinner.
2100
Dinner at Xinwang. Birthday boy signed up for Xinwang membership, got discounts and free red wine. Had my favourite 四季豆炒虾米， 午餐肉蛋饭 and 港式特制奶茶. Burp!
2230
Galvin's place to get my cantonese drama while he freshens up!
2300
One of my favorite part of the night: Durian time! Headed down to Kovan area for durian. Dick joined us as he lives in the area. Had D24 durian at half price (5 boxes at $50)....thought I'd died and gone to heaven! Paid for durian with my mahjong winnings.....good things must share!
0000
Happy 27th Birthday Roystern!!!! Stay young, handsome, smart, fun, healthy and wealthy forever!
0030
Cake cutting at Alvin's place. I love cakes, but this Tiramisu cake is mediocre......
0115
Second round of mahjong faceoff with Alvin's Dad, Alvin and Galvin......Alvin's Dad almost won a 13 wonders! But alas, 天有眼。。if not I could have been $40 poorer! Luck is not good for the first few rounds.....
0330
Emerged unscathed with a pitiful winning of $1.50, which I donated to Alvin. Alvin's Dad was the overall winner at $30.
0415
Home at last. Thanks Galvin for always sending me home. You've saved me lots of cab money throughout the year!!
0500
Nicely tucked in bed after a nice hot shower.
A wonderful closure to a wonderful day with wonderful friends. Must do this again sometime soon!
Evidence of fun!
Roy with his birthday cake
Birthday boy and me
Roy & Alvin. One for memories.
Galvin eyeing the cake.
Monday, February 9, 2009
My First Pineapple Tarts
Who would have thought that Chad can cook, not to say bake some delectable pineapple tarts? My Mum makes fantastic pineapple tarts, and I made her teach me how to when she came back for Chinese New Year. Here are the results of my first effort.....not too bad yeah?
Each tart is carefully molded into perfection (ok...maybe not perfection, but definitely yummy!). It takes a lot of concentration and patience cos my fingers are not nimble.
Not really good at arranging tarts am I??
The next thing I'm gonna learn is making Cheesecake. Anyone with a yummy recipe to pass on to me?
Each tart is carefully molded into perfection (ok...maybe not perfection, but definitely yummy!). It takes a lot of concentration and patience cos my fingers are not nimble.
Not really good at arranging tarts am I??
The next thing I'm gonna learn is making Cheesecake. Anyone with a yummy recipe to pass on to me?
Monday, January 5, 2009
There...I've done it
For those who've read my previous post on acting cute, I've just confessed my sin. Guilty as charged. What the heck, I don't have any excuses because the evidence is right there, all 2 fingers of it. In my weak defense, I was caught up in the joyously contagious mood of ushering in the New Year. I should put my foot in my mouth and be banished to hello kitty land.
I hope you are happy now!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A Scorpion who've lost his sting
Mood: Gloom
Turning 29 is not a turning point in my life. It is, however the first time in many years that I celebrated my birthday with such festivities. I thank all my friends and colleagues who took the time out and celebrated my birthday with me, I really had a fantastic time.
November seems to be a month of birthdays. Joo, Alvin, Kerry, Caroline, Ben, Jennifer, Joe, Tracie, Windy, Yeacy, Sylvia......and the list goes on. The reason for this phenomenon, in my opinion, is that around February (Valentine's Day) of each year, couples tend to increase their pro-create-tivity (if there is ever such a word) due to the season of love and 9 months down the road they reap the fruits of their labour of love. Sweet huh? It is however an expensive month for those with many Scorpion friends. You burn a hole in your pocket buying gifts and dinners you wish you didn't have any friends.
Ever since the departure of my immediate supervisor, I've taken on most of his responsibilities, on top of my own. With the transfer of Akshay to another department and only Daphne to support, I've been stretched beyond what I thought I was capable of doing. To me, it seems like there are too many things going on at the same time that requires my attention, and my failure is sometimes being unable to prioritise things, and at times, trying to put everything as priority. I've been putting considerable stress on myself to deliver the resourcing brochure in time and of stellar quality. Although my boss is generally quite happy with the progress, I feel that there are so many things I could have done better. It sucks to be feeling this way.
My health, of late hasn't been fantastic either. Just last week during training, I felt like vomitting halfway and had to take a rest. The past few days my stomach has been feeling weak and hurts when I walk. With the race on Saturday, I feel physically unprepared for it and I feel really really disappointed with myself. I believe it is all stress related and I need to find a way to alleviate my stress quickly!
Like a Scorpion who've lost its sting, I feel like I've lost my worth. I hope to get my groove back soon.
Turning 29 is not a turning point in my life. It is, however the first time in many years that I celebrated my birthday with such festivities. I thank all my friends and colleagues who took the time out and celebrated my birthday with me, I really had a fantastic time.
November seems to be a month of birthdays. Joo, Alvin, Kerry, Caroline, Ben, Jennifer, Joe, Tracie, Windy, Yeacy, Sylvia......and the list goes on. The reason for this phenomenon, in my opinion, is that around February (Valentine's Day) of each year, couples tend to increase their pro-create-tivity (if there is ever such a word) due to the season of love and 9 months down the road they reap the fruits of their labour of love. Sweet huh? It is however an expensive month for those with many Scorpion friends. You burn a hole in your pocket buying gifts and dinners you wish you didn't have any friends.
Ever since the departure of my immediate supervisor, I've taken on most of his responsibilities, on top of my own. With the transfer of Akshay to another department and only Daphne to support, I've been stretched beyond what I thought I was capable of doing. To me, it seems like there are too many things going on at the same time that requires my attention, and my failure is sometimes being unable to prioritise things, and at times, trying to put everything as priority. I've been putting considerable stress on myself to deliver the resourcing brochure in time and of stellar quality. Although my boss is generally quite happy with the progress, I feel that there are so many things I could have done better. It sucks to be feeling this way.
My health, of late hasn't been fantastic either. Just last week during training, I felt like vomitting halfway and had to take a rest. The past few days my stomach has been feeling weak and hurts when I walk. With the race on Saturday, I feel physically unprepared for it and I feel really really disappointed with myself. I believe it is all stress related and I need to find a way to alleviate my stress quickly!
Like a Scorpion who've lost its sting, I feel like I've lost my worth. I hope to get my groove back soon.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Sava Sprint 2008 - September 13 & 14 @ Bedok Reservoir
Results:
Men's 500m finals - 5th placing (out of 15 teams)
Men's 200m finals - 5th placing (out of 15 teams)
We always lose out on a medal. Just when we thought we had a chance of bringing home a medal this year, stronger teams emerge to dash our hopes. This teaches us never to be complacent, and to push ourselves to the limits and beyond every time we get on the boat.
Personally, I feel that I still have some way to go to be able to compete competitively. I've tried my best yesterday and today and really pushed myself to focus on the race, and not the aching in my muscles or the scorching sun on my skin. I've improved since the last race (SDBF) in terms of technique and endurance, and I hope that this coming River Regatta in November, I can truly give myself a big pat on my back and say I am part of Naga Team A!
Behind each weary silhouette is a fierce determination to do our very best and make our brothers proud. That is the true Naga spirit.
Men's 500m finals - 5th placing (out of 15 teams)
Men's 200m finals - 5th placing (out of 15 teams)
We always lose out on a medal. Just when we thought we had a chance of bringing home a medal this year, stronger teams emerge to dash our hopes. This teaches us never to be complacent, and to push ourselves to the limits and beyond every time we get on the boat.
Personally, I feel that I still have some way to go to be able to compete competitively. I've tried my best yesterday and today and really pushed myself to focus on the race, and not the aching in my muscles or the scorching sun on my skin. I've improved since the last race (SDBF) in terms of technique and endurance, and I hope that this coming River Regatta in November, I can truly give myself a big pat on my back and say I am part of Naga Team A!
Behind each weary silhouette is a fierce determination to do our very best and make our brothers proud. That is the true Naga spirit.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
These Hands
Him
It feels empty nowadays, when there is nothing to hold on to. The tan line where the wedding band used to be is the only reminder of the times we had, good and bad. They grasp the pen that signed the pact that bound us together, seemingly forever but now it seems like......never.
Her
It feels empty nowadays, when there is nothing to clean and wash. The tan line where the wedding band used to be is the only grim reminder of the times we had, seldom good, mostly bad. They grasp the pen that signed the pact that blindingly bound me to you, seemingly forever, but now I'm glad it's never!
It feels empty nowadays, when there is nothing to hold on to. The tan line where the wedding band used to be is the only reminder of the times we had, good and bad. They grasp the pen that signed the pact that bound us together, seemingly forever but now it seems like......never.
Her
It feels empty nowadays, when there is nothing to clean and wash. The tan line where the wedding band used to be is the only grim reminder of the times we had, seldom good, mostly bad. They grasp the pen that signed the pact that blindingly bound me to you, seemingly forever, but now I'm glad it's never!
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